


Downhill From Here (In the Best Possible Way)

by tawnyport



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Post-Graduation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawnyport/pseuds/tawnyport
Summary: I've missed you very much, Kanan.It wasn't a strange thing to say, she told herself. She'd missed Mari as well. That was only natural. Even though they had an entire year together, it would never have been enough time to spend with her before being apart like this again. It was easier this time since things were more honest between them, but were they really?





	Downhill From Here (In the Best Possible Way)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SophieAyase](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieAyase/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, vivaforever597!! I hope you enjoy this, it was a LOT of fun to write, and Kanan and Mari are my Sunshine favorite pairing too. I included some nods to some of the most recent episodes of the anime so hopefully you're caught up, but consider this your forewarning if you're not (though I don't think they're major spoilers if you don't want to catch up to read your gift!).

The first thing Kanan noticed is that it's not nearly as cold as she expected it to be. Mari warned her that it'd be cooler than in Melbourne but still warmer than at home for this time of year even as she urged her to pack her warmest clothes. It was the kind of encouragement that made Kanan once again question why this was how she was choosing to spend her Christmas, but Dia was committed to spending hers at home with Ruby and Kanan couldn't afford to fly home to see her own family no matter how much she missed them. Mari admitted her family would be away for the holidays too, so she'd proposed this compromise of flying Kanan to her rather than both of them spending it alone. It was her Christmas gift to Kanan, which made it very hard to turn down even after she looked on Google to see just what the prices for the flights were. 

The second thing she noticed is how far she felt from home. It was the silhouette of the mountains that really drove it home for her. From the plane window they seemed to rise up from nowhere, an endless grey and white expanse towering over otherwise a flat and pastoral looking area. Once the plane turned away it was easy to even forget they were there, at least until she got off. Torino was beautiful but it felt so far from the ocean with no water even in sight. This might have been as far as she'd been from open water in her entire life and while she wasn't about to let it get in the way of her visit, it did leave her feeling a bit more lost than she expected.

Luckily, she didn't have much time to think about it. An entire day of travel meant she was drained as she walked toward the small crowd waiting for disembarking passengers. Kanan could only imagine how she must look: skin dried out from recirculated plane air, hair lifeless and twisted into a bun to try to hide it, clothes chosen so carefully in her Melbourne apartment now wrinkled and looking like she'd slept in them because she had. None of that showed on Mari's face, though. She waved the sign she'd made--Kanan's name spelled out in English and a surprising amount of glitter--as if worried somehow Kanan could ever have forgotten her, and smiled like Kanan had dreamed about her entire trip, broad and unrestrained.

She only lowered the sign when Kanan got closer, opening her arms in a familiar gesture that summoned enough energy in Kanan to let her run and not stop until her arms were around Mari's waist, hugging her tight enough that something popped under the pressure. "I thought you were studying diving, not chiropractic adjustments," Mari teased, her arms around Kanan's neck. "But it feels good! The drive from Bologna was long."

"I'll trade you your drive for my flights next time, how about that? Sorry I'm so gross right now." Kanan didn't want to let go but holding on too long would get them unwelcome attention, so she stepped back and offered Mari a wink. "Of course, you're probably going to have to get used to flights like that some day, huh?"

"That's too far away to even think about, Kanan! And it's not my fault you weren't willing to come do your diving courses here in Italy. Think how much more convenient this would have been." Mari grabbed Kanan's hand and tugged her toward what Kanan hoped was the baggage area and tired as she was, Kanan let her.

"Think how much less convenient it would be when I do want to go home," she replied, then rolled her eyes at the scolding click of Mari's tongue.

"Home is where you make it. When you're done with your classes for the day, do you say, 'I'm going to go to the apartment I am renting temporarily'? No, you say you're going home. So home could have been here too." Mari kept her gaze straight ahead as she spoke, meaning Kanan couldn't be sure if it was exhaustion, paranoia, or if she really did hear a note of irritation in Mari's voice. When she spoke again, however, it was gone. "Maybe this trip will make you change your mind!"

"Not likely." Kanan moved to stand next to Mari as they reached the carousel, closing her eyes for a long moment. "If you really wanted to change my mind, why aren't we going to _your_ home here? I could've flown into Bologna and saved you the drive."

"I wanted to get away from school and have some time with just the two of us." She squeezed Kanan's hand, then released it to move closer to the conveyor belt. "Besides, if we stayed there it would have meant socializing with people from the university for the holidays and even in the international dormitory it means a lot of translating. If I'm not going to be at school then I want to relax properly. I'm sure you feel it too! It's tiring, having to run everything through a filter all the time."

It was something that had taken some getting used to, and it gave Kanan a new appreciation for the amount of time Mari must spend keeping the languages she knew in order. At least in Melbourne there was a considerable Japanese population. She had a feeling it was different in Italy, at least if the very small sampling of people in the airport were any kind of representation. "Fair enough. I still don't know why I needed to bring sweaters and thick socks, though. It's not that cold."

"You'll see~! Now, which one is yours? I hope it's not some boring color…"

Once her luggage was collected, Mari led Kanan on another brisk walk through the airport to where she'd parked. Her car was small, practical, and a gleaming metallic red. "I couldn't compromise on everything!" At least the trunk had enough space for both of their bags, and Kanan was able to move her seat back to stretch her legs out more than she'd been able to on any of the flights. The back seat held a couple of shopping bags, one of which held a large shoebox.

"Are you going to tell me what all that's about?"

"Not yet! And by the time you need to know, it should be very obvious. Now, _buckle up!_ "

* * *

Kanan meant to spend the drive to wherever they were going catching up with Mari, because emails and video chats just didn't compare to having a real conversation with someone, but they were barely out of airport parking before she was dozing in her seat. The car was warm, complete with a heated seat, and it was already well into the night when her plane landed. The darkness, the hum of the tires, and the fact that Mari kept whatever Italian metal she was playing at a dull roar all added up quickly. When she stirred again, there was a jacket draped over her, heavy and warm, and the view out the window had changed considerably. 

"You've been out for over an hour. If I had known you would be this tired, I would have gotten us somewhere to stay in Torino, but I think this will be fine just the same. Isn't it beautiful?" The pastoral view she'd seen from the plane must have slipped away while she was sleeping, because they were now travelling on a highway carved out of the mountains she saw earlier. The sides of the road were merely dusted with snow, but the higher peaks ahead were more well-covered and streaked with light. Mari took the next exit, quietly waiting for Kanan to speak.

"Where are we?" It was all she could manage as she took the view. 

"Hmm. We are heading into an area known as _Via Lattea_ , or the Milky Way, and it's some of the best skiing in the world! Particularly, my father's Christmas gift to me was a few days for us at a very nice hotel here that's so close you can literally ski right out of the door!" Mari's voice radiated excitement as she briefly took her hands off the wheel to clap. Kanan looked down at the jacket she was covered in and realized two things--it was too big to belong to Mari and it'd be perfect for skiing.

"Mari…"

"Kanan, it's not Christmas without snow. I wanted to bring you somewhere that was guaranteed to have more than enough. It's not going to snow in Melbourne, after all." Kanan couldn't very well argue with that but it all seemed more than a little extravagant. Then again, what was the point of owning hotels if you didn't use them?

She twisted in her seat to look in the back seat, this time paying more attention to the shoebox. "You bought me ski boots?"

"And a jacket, and a few other things! Your size can't have changed that much but if you want, I'll be happy to check when we get to the hotel." Kanan sat back up and looked over at Mari, whose smile had taken on a teasing edge. She just rolled her eyes.

"Even if it happens on your family's property it's still sexual harassment, you know." 

Mari laughed and poked at the car's GPS as it announced they were arriving at their destination, a light colored building that was somehow all curves and trimmed in dark wood and metal. Even the snow on top of it seemed rounded. Kanan felt Mari's hand touch hers just for a moment when she reached down to undo her seatbelt. When she looked up again, Mari's face was very close and the car suddenly felt at least five degrees warmer. The smirk on Mari's face was less teasing now, too, but surely it wasn't really as inviting as it seemed. Kanan was just seeing what she wanted to see. "I've missed you very much, Kanan. Even if you do insist on making these empty threats against me."

"I'll show you an empt--" Kanan cut herself short and pulled her hand away when a valet appeared near Mari's door. She couldn't let herself get carried away by the atmosphere here. There were too many strangers, it would take too much explaining, and regardless of how they'd left things, Mari had made her position clear enough to Kanan that she couldn't let herself fall back into old feelings now. It would only interfere and it was clear Mari wanted this to be a carefree, magical experience. Who was she to interfere with that?

* * *

Kanan managed to make it to their room before the exhaustion of travel started to come over her again, but she wasn't too tired to notice that the room was beautiful and cozy, and that it only had one bed. It was a king size for sure, but she still wasn't sure what to make of it. Mari'd been oddly chipper since the moment they'd shared in the car, but seeing Kanan's reaction to this seemed to take the edge off that. 

"It is the Christmas holidays, after all, so this was the only room they had left available. I didn't think it would be a problem but--"

"Of course it's not a problem." Was it stupid to read more into it than simple facts would support? Naturally the hotel would be busy this time of year so finding the perfect accommodation would be difficult, and it wasn't as though she and Mari hadn't slept close together before. Besides, Kanan would've taken just about any remotely flat surface with a soft covering right now no matter who she had to share it with.

"Perfect. Did you want to shower or anything before you--"

"Nope." Kanan already had her bag open on the bed, tugging a set of pajamas out of it before closing it again and moving it aside. "I feel pretty gross but you rode with me in a car for an hour and a half and didn't say I smelled so you're going to have to get through a night with me like this, too. If I wait any longer, I'm going to fall asleep standing up." She at least turned her back on Mari before starting to change, but it was nothing either of them hadn't seen before.

"You're so tan now!" Mari's hand was frigid on Kanan's back, lifting the back of her bra as though looking for a tan line there. Kanan just let her pajama top drop down, obscuring the view and earning a disappointed noise from Mari. "I hope you're wearing enough sunscreen, the sunshine is much more intense down there."

"I'm not new to spending time in the sun, I promise I know what I'm doing." At least, she did when it came to sun exposure. Certain other things, like the butterflies she felt when Mari'd touched her, had her completely out of her depth. Kanan slipped her jeans off without turning around. Sun exposure wouldn't explain the color on her cheeks right now.

"Well, if you're not going to shower then I am! The bathrooms here are incredible, Kanan, you should come see!" Mari hung in the bathroom doorway for a moment, trying to beckon her over, but Kanan just shook her head and made for the far side of the bed.

"Falling asleep standing up in a bathroom means I'd probably slip and split my head open. It'll look the same in the morning, I'll see it then."

* * *

Mari pouted but vanished. Her voice singing over the sound of running water was the last thing Kanan knew until the next morning.

The flood lights from the slopes were replaced by streaming sunlight, intensely bright on the whiteness of the snow, but it was hunger more than time or light that woke Kanan up. She'd eaten during her flights but hadn't even considered it after she'd landed and she was paying for it now, her stomach aggressively protesting this prolonged emptiness. The room was empty but that meant she could shamelessly root through the minibar, devouring the granola bar she found there without even considering how gross her mouth felt. Once her stomach was at least temporarily quieted, she immediately made for the bathroom.

The door opened and closed while she was in the shower (Mari wasn't exaggerating, the bathroom was very nice even if it only featured a standing shower) but Kanan didn't rush. Sloughing off the travel grime made her feel like a person, washing her hair was a chore in and of itself, and between the shared beds and need for translation, showers were likely the only time she was going to get fully to herself on this trip. 

_I've missed you very much, Kanan._ It wasn't a strange thing to say, she told herself. She'd missed Mari as well. That was only natural. Even though they had an entire year together, it would never have been enough time to spend with her before being apart like this again. It was easier this time since things were more honest between them, but were they really? Kanan was grateful for Mari's continued presence in her life in any sense, but she'd missed the chance to let her feelings shape that presence. Kanan wanted whatever happened, if _anything_ happened, to be mutual or even for it to come from Mari's side, to make sure it was what she really wanted. In the end, though, all that happened was them all agreeing to go their separate ways. Mari would leave, just as she'd done before. Just as she was meant to do, it seemed.

After that, Kanan decided if Mari wasn't going to change, she would. If Mari could leave, so could she. The distance was supposed to help, as was the new city, the new social life, all of the other changes she undertook, but all it did was drive home how much she'd rather be doing these things with Mari. They'd all decided to go their separate ways, they'd agreed on it and hugged over it, but that didn't make it an easy transition.

And now here she was, sharing an undeniably romantic getaway with her, and things still didn't seem any different. Mari's greeting at the airport was no more or less affectionate than ever. Mari didn't intentionally book them a room with a shared bed. Mari didn't even wait for her to wake up before going about her own business. No matter how romantic the setting, things were still just as they were, and despite the temptations Kanan was determined not to let her feelings get the better of her here. Mari was still her best friend, after all, and what sort of person ruins their best friend's Christmas for their own selfish wants? Not Kanan Matsuura, that's for sure.

That was the thought in her head when she finally exited the bathroom, a towel around her hair and a renewed rumbling in her stomach. The smell in the room when she came out didn't help things at all, either: coffee and warm baked goods. They were set on the small desk near the room's window, and the person Kanan assumed was responsible for them was perched on the bed, humming as she tore apart a croissant.

"Good morning, sleepyhead! Or should I say good afternoon?"

Kanan paused. "Should you? I didn't even look at the clock when I got up."

"Well," Mari continued with a laugh, "I don't know how long you've been awake but it's after one thirty!"

"It's what!? But that means it's nearly midnight at home, I shouldn't be waking up now. I even followed the directions you sent me for avoiding jet lag!" It had meant sitting in her room with the lights on at all kinds of odd hours but it was supposed to prevent this kind of confusion over the time.

"Perhaps, but it was also well after two in the morning by the time we got here and you fell asleep, so even if this was a longer sleep than you are used to, it's not that unusual! Besides, don't worry about what time it is in Australia. You should be more worried that you missed an _amazing_ breakfast. They only serve it until ten but you looked too peaceful for me to wake you." Her croissant finished, Mari crossed her legs and sat back against the headboard. "So instead I went off in search of food for you that would keep until you woke up. The bar downstairs makes sandwiches so there is something there for you with protein, but there's also a pastry shop just a short walk from here."

So she'd been exploring. Kanan opted to sit at the desk as she started to investigate the food Mari'd brought, but it could have been just about anything considering how hungry she was. The sandwich was delicious, a little spice in the meat balanced out by the butteriness of the roll, but she only took a couple of bites before forcing herself to slow down. "You could have woken me. It's a shame you had to spend your first morning here eating and walking around alone. I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I get home but how many times will I be in a place like this?"

Mari shook her head. "You would not have been able to enjoy any of it if you were too tired, and I won't take you out skiing if you're not fully rested. It's too dangerous and you really won't get another chance to come back here if you break your neck."

"Hey! Who do you think you brought up here? It may have been a long time since I put on a pair of skis but I'll be just fine." They were all dancers if nothing else so worrying about each other's coordination was pointless, with certain exceptions. Kanan knew her own athletic ability was above and beyond even the requirements for a school idol, though, and a year away from the stage hadn't touched that. "I'll be better now though. This is great, Mari, thank you."

"You're welcome! I'm glad to see you've already showered, too, because I was thinking since we're having such a late lunch that we could go up to the slopes after this." Mari slid off the bed and walked across the room, returning with the other shopping bag from the night before. "I'm sure you have plenty of warm clothes for under them but I also got you pants to go with the parka, gloves, a hat and goggles. If there's anything else you need I'm sure we can pick it up somewhere here in the village but this should be enough to get you started, and for today if you want we can just go until you get too cold."

Kanan looked over the gear as Mari laid it out on the bed. Black and pale green, like it was made for her, and undoubtedly some of the best money could buy. "You really didn't have to do all this. If I had known I would've had my parents ship me my winter things from home so I could bring them." 

"But that would have ruined the surprise! And also I was thinking, since you weren't prepared to pack all these things up, that I could take them with me back to Bologna and they'd already be here whenever you wanted to come back. It saves on your luggage, right?" Mari's face lit up at the suggestion and she grabbed the parka off the back of the desk chair where Kanan had set it the night before, laying it over the top of the pants. "Except for the hat. If it looks cute on you, you can take it."

"You're just going to keep a full set of ski clothes for me in your apartment in Bologna?" Kanan hadn't even considered how she would get all these things home and while Mari's idea made a great deal of sense from that perspective, it seemed to fly in the face of everything Kanan was thinking just moments before. She'd be a permanent fixture in Mari's apartment this way. Then again, was it more than she already was? They'd only be in a closet somewhere until or unless Kanan decided to visit again. 

"Sure! Why not? They don't take up much space and if you take them with you you might think they are your Christmas present but I assure you, they're not." With a wink Mari left the bedside to get one of her own suitcases, opening it to reveal pants and accessories of her own, bright pink and white. They'd make quite the pair out there, Kanan thought as she finished the last of the sandwich and washed it down with a mouthful of coffee. Not her favorite but the kick of caffeine would be helpful. "Now, if you're finished we should hurry. The slopes will start to get busier now and I want to try to find a quiet one where we can practice together!"

Kanan laughed and pushed the chair back. "You're the boss!"

* * *

As it turned out, that sentiment carried over to the slopes, too. However long it had been since Mari had skied, it was still far more recent than Kanan's last experience. She followed Mari quietly, letting her take the lead in renting their equipment and getting directions to the trails (though she did insist on paying for the rental. If Mari spent too much it would start to feel too imbalanced for Kanan. Luckily, Mari didn't protest). 

Mari flexed her ankles alternately as their lift carried them to the top, the tip of first one ski than the other rising and disappearing from view, almost like she was testing to see if she could make Kanan look down. For her part, Kanan kept her eyes firmly on the fittings on her gloves. Heights weren't really a problem but why tempt fate? Instead she spent the time having the the conversation she'd wanted to have the night before, finding out how Mari's end of term exams had gone (very well, of course!), how she was settling in with the university choir (it was hard because it was so different from Aqours but she doesn't want to stop singing), and just why it was she wouldn't get to see her family over Christmas (her parents are at a very important resort opening in Hawai'i and couldn't have made the trip in time). The lift reached the top of the slope just as the conversation would've naturally turned back around on Kanan and she said a silent prayer as she moved out of her seat and onto her skis.

"All right, boss. How do you want to start this?" The slope Mari'd chosen was one of the easiest in the area and had already seen a fair amount of use throughout the day, but there was still enough snow to keep it from looking rough and icy. 

"Show me what you're got! I can't help you until I am more sure what I am working with." With that, Mari pushed off and made her way easily to a spot a few dozen meters downhill, then stopped and turned around and beckoned to her. The portion of the slope she covered looked smooth enough, so Kanan was confident when she pushed off to follow her.

She started off well enough, working off the memories of a long ago family holiday in Niseko. Straight skis go faster, and to slow down, knees apart and tips together. Her progress was a little halting as she practiced the motions, looking between the tips of her skis and Mari, who was looking up at her patiently and even cheering her on when she slowed down. It was a far cry from how Kanan imagined skiing, with the cold air whipping past as she sailed down powdery expanses, but at least she made it from the start to a solid stop just past Mari. Kanan turned her head to look over as Mari slid up next to her and laughed to see her give her a thumbs up.

"Congratulations, Kanan, you can go in a straight line!" Her voice rang through the cold air, boisterous and encouraging. Even through the goggles Kanan could see Mari winking; she wondered if Mari could see the face she made back at her. "Don't be like that! Straight lines are very important, but do you know how to make a turn? This will be important for going around people rather than trying to go through them."

Kanan planted her poles, looked down at her skis, and repositioned them, trying to remember what she'd learned about turns. Starting, slowing, and stopping all came back readily, but turns were proving more difficult. She needed to push out with one leg, but was it the one she wanted to turn into or away from?

Jogging her memory was a lost cause when she saw a ski appear between hers and felt Mari close behind her. Mari's ski moved sideways until it was against Kanan's, then pushed it into an angle. "Push more with your leg out on the opposite side you want to turn to. So if you push your right leg out like so, you will turn left."

"And if you put my right leg out much farther, we're both going to end up falling over."

"No we won't! I trust you, Kanan!" Like a flash Mari's arms were around Kanan's waist, hugging her tight but also holding her up and steady. She was still sure this was a terrible idea that would end in a tangle of skis and poles, but then just as quickly Mari's arms were gone. "Now, this time you go first so I can watch you from above. Make me _proud_!"

Mari couldn't have picked a better motivator. Kanan started moving again, gliding slowly down the slope, then began to push out with her right leg. The gentle turn to the left was gratifying even if it was just the skis doing exactly what Mari had said they would. She drew herself to as stop then started again, this time pushing out with her left leg to make a turn and end up on the slope almost directly below Mari. This time it was her turn to look up, only to see Mari already in motion. Her turns were much smoother than Kanan's own, clearly practiced, the connection between them easy and natural, and Kanan was reminded that this was why she wanted Mari to be front and center when they first formed Aqours. She carried herself with a natural kind of grace and even dressed head to toe in ski gear, she commanded attention.

Or maybe, Kanan wondered as Mari came to a stop beside her, that inability to look away was particular to Kanan.

"Now we know you are not an immediate danger to yourself or others! Try, when you're turning, just going straight again for a moment at the end. That will give you the space you need to make your turn the other way instead of stopping and getting run over by people faster than you." At least this lesson came without having one of Mari's legs between her own. Kanan nodded and turned to start downward again only to be stopped by a hand gripping her upper arm. 

"And you need to _relax_ , Kanan. You look very stiff and if you don't loosen up you will hardly be able to move tomorrow." The hand moved from her arm up to her shoulder and Mari's voice was softer when she spoke again. "Is everything all right?"

How was she supposed to answer that? Yes, in that she was here in this place with Mari, but no in that she still wasn't sure why. The middle of an active ski slope was hardly the place to try to sort that out, though, so she turned her head and gave Mari the best smile she could muster. "Just getting my snow legs back! I'll settle in, just you watch!" 

If Mari was a little slow to follow her when she pushed off again, slipping out from under the hand on her shoulder, Kanan refused to think about it. This was just how it had to be, if it was what Mari wanted. It was hardly like Kanan could complain.

* * *

As it turned out, complaining was reserved for later. Despite her best efforts and increasing sense of comfort on her skis, Kanan couldn't quite shake the tension in her body and it caught up with her when she attempted to stand up after their exquisite dinner in the hotel restaurant. She'd stretched both before and after and it wasn't as though she was in bad shape, but that didn't stop what felt like every muscle in her legs from going rock solid as soon as she got out of the chair. 

Mari was at her side immediately, tucking herself up under her arm. "I warned you!" Her scolding was gentle, though, thoroughly tempered with concern as she helped Kanan inch her way out of the dining room. Kanan was careful not to lean too much of her weight on her but it was very tempting to just let Mari drag her to somewhere more comfortable. "You're lucky you're already so naturally athletic but maybe tomorrow I should book us massages for when we get back. Imagine if you were that stiff when you were diving, Kanan, you would be… Oooh~!" Mari stopped short in the middle of the lobby, moving in front of Kanan to take both her hands. "I have an idea for how to help! Did you pack your bathing suit?"

Since she'd had no idea what she was in for, Kanan had thrown her suit in as a last minute decision despite being told to pack for cold, but it wasn't until she was waist deep in the hotel's beautiful and lively heated pool that she realized just what a stroke of fate it truly was. The warm water immediately helped ease the aches in her legs and even if it was just a small pool it felt good to be in the water again.

It also felt like every guest in the hotel might've had the same idea they did if the crowd sharing the pool with them was anything to go by. Kanan leaned against the side of the pool and let out a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting the conversations around her wash over her. She couldn't understand a word but there seemed to be at least three languages being spoken, a mixture of guttural, harsh sounds, melodic vowels, and laughter all around. She felt the water next to her being disturbed as Mari joined her, staying near Kanan's side.

"I bet you weren't expecting to find this in the middle of the Italian Alps!" Mari laid her head gently on Kanan's shoulder and in spite of herself, Kanan tilted her head to rest again Mari's. It was only a tiny bit of the weight of her body but it felt nice to let Mari support it.

"I didn't know I was coming to the Italian Alps, so I wasn't expecting anything… but this is really nice, and you were right, it's helping a lot." She kicked her legs slowly under the water, feeling the pain dissipate more and more. "I'm glad I thought to bring my swimsuit, though, I would've been disappointed to miss out."

"Mmm, there might be somewhere here to buy one," Mari mused, "or you could have borrowed one from me but I don't think it would fit over these." As if on cue, Kanan felt Mari's hands on her breasts, lifting them out of the water like she was weighing them. "Not everyone is as lucky as you, Kanan. I'm so relieved these haven't changed at all…"

"Don't do that, Mari, people will look." Kanan crossed her arms over her chest and sunk into the water up to her chin without opening her eyes. She was seeking relaxation and opening her eyes to see how many people in the crowd were staring at the blond girl groping her friend in public would not help with that.

"But I missed them! I've been waiting all day to make sure they hadn't shrunk or grown. It's impossible to tell under a heavy jacket like that." She could just envision the pout on Mari's face but Kanan was not coming back up from under the water until she was sure she could do so unmolested. "You're such a _spoilsport_. I'm going to get us something to drink."

Kanan waited until she felt the water move to indicate that Mari had really moved away from her before standing up again and cracking one eye open. To her relief and surprise, nobody was looking at her, but Mari had managed to capture a couple of admirers. In particular, the bartender was chatting amicably with her in English as he poured two glasses of white wine. Kanan started across the pool, not wanting Mari to have to make her way through the crowd with those, and managed to catch the end of their conversation.

"--would have known you weren't a local, your Italian is very good."

"Ahh, _grazie_! It's not nearly as good as my English, though. Thank you for being so accommodating."

"It is no problem at all. And your companion, is she a classmate of yours here?" He nodded to Kanan and she smiled but didn't speak.

"Oh, no, she was a classmate in Japan, but she's also my girlfriend, isn't that right, Kanan?" Mari turned, a glass in each hand, and winked down at Kanan from the pool deck. 

Kanan's stomach sank and the warm water suddenly felt uncomfortably tepid. She managed to make herself return Mari's wink to keep from completely letting on how shocked she was, but the change in Mari's own expression made it clear she'd noticed something was amiss. She thanked the bartender again then crouched at the edge of the pool, offering a glass to Kanan.

"I didn't mean to catch you off guard but if the guys here think we're single we won't have any peace for the rest of the night. Sometimes not even the language barrier is enough." Kanan didn't know enough about European guys to know if that was a credible excuse or not, but hearing it put that way only made her feel worse. Who could have predicted that being Mari's fake girlfriend would feel worse than not managing to become her girlfriend at all?

Kanan took the glass and retreated back to the far side of the pool, sipping at the wine while she waited for Mari to join her again. It was cool and crisp but dry, tart on her tongue but not tart enough to make her stop drinking it. Mari moved right back to her previous position, complete with her head on Kanan's shoulder, but this time rather than a grope, she reached to hold Kanan's free hand under the water. Mari's glass remained untouched in her hand as she mused about possible ideas for the next day. Would Kanan be up for breakfast? It really is spectacular. After that maybe a little bit of shopping, there are a lot of little boutiques, then after lunch more skiing! Maybe a slightly longer slope this time, but only if Kanan's legs are feeling better.

Kanan closed her eyes again and this time just focused on the sound of Mari's voice. What if she'd meant it? What if this was what their life could be like, sipping wine and sharing time, sleeping and waking no more than a handspan apart, borrowing each other's clothes regardless of the fit because rather than having one absurd seasonal outfit in Mari's closet, Kanan would simply occupy half of it and it wouldn't be Mari's but _theirs_?

She wandered so far in the daydream that it took Mari shaking her hand to bring her back. "Kanan? Kanan. How are your legs feeling? Is the water helping or would you rather not ski tomorrow?"

Kanan slowly opened her eyes and shook her head. "No, they feel a lot better. This helped a lot but I think maybe the heat is getting to me. Or it could be the wine. Either way, though, I think I should probably head upstairs." It wasn't entirely untrue, she did feel like it would be very easy to just nod off and slip into the pool, but it was also too hard to stand next to Mari and indulge in those daydreams, knowing it couldn't be true. She pulled her hand from Mari's and turned to set her glass down, then started to lift herself out of the pool.

"Do you need me to come with you? Without you here I won't have anybody to talk to." Mari sounded sad but she also sounded confused. Kanan could hardly blame her but she just offered her the warmest smile she could muster.

"You don't have to. It's no fun having to babysit a lightweight and there might be people down here you can practice your Italian with. If nothing else, you should at least finish your wine. It's really good." Kanan allowed herself one moment of laying her hand on Mari's cheek, then stood and went to get her towel. If she thought she heard her name again on the way out, well, the vowels were a little too musical. It must have been a trick of the crowd.

* * *

Christmas Eve was another beautiful Alpine day, and this time Kanan was awake to enjoy the whole of it. If last night's events had any impact on Mari's mood she didn't let it show, instead proving to be even more cheerful than before. Breakfast was incredible, Kanan had to admit, and she was sorry she'd missed it the first morning. It was the perfect fuel for a morning of walking around the village, taking in the Christmas decorations and checking out a handful of the shops. Predictably, many of them sold ski gear and supplies, but there were also a number that offered souvenirs and more designer clothing. Kanan had forgotten how much fun shopping with Mari could be and even though she didn't leave with much, the weight she herself was carrying of the night before was also lightened considerably.

After lunch, they did return to the slopes. Mari found exactly the type of trail she was hoping for, almost as gentle as yesterday's but much longer, and since it was so close to the holiday, the traffic was greatly reduced. It was an afternoon of practice making perfect, and sometimes less than that as Kanan discovered the hard way when Mari started teaching her parallel techniques. She knew she'd be sore again that night and tomorrow, but it was worth it to see the way Mari laughed and cheered when she succeeded and the way she rushed to her when she fell, like she was something precious and delicate. They both knew better, that if anything it was the other way around, but it was warmer than any sunshine, to be in her attention like that. It created an embarrassing cycle, though, Kanan longing for that closeness and stumbling, Mari tucking herself under Kanan's arm to lift her when she fell. It was all she wanted but by the end of the afternoon, Kanan returned to her senses, pushing back to her own feet with no help. This was the better way. She couldn't ask Mari to keep hastening in to support her when she needed it; Mari needed to follow her own heart even if it broke Kanan's.

That meant when, after dinner, Mari suggested the go to the pool again to ease Kanan's aches, she declined. It made her chest hurt to do but she'd indulged herself enough today and a repeat of what happened the night before would be too much to bear. "I think I'll save myself the trip and if I have a glass of wine, I'll have it here in the room, but you can go if you want to. The bartender seemed to really--"

"Kanan, how long are you going to behave like this?" Kanan turned around from the window to see Mari with her hands on her hips, looking as hurt as she'd ever seen her. It felt like the twist of a knife Kanan had driven in herself but she just shook her head.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Like hell you don't! You have been letting yourself lean on me then getting mad and pushing me away or turning away from me since you got here and I haven't done anything to deserve this. Kanan…" Her voice softened even if the hurt didn't leave it. "This kind of thing is supposed to be behind us. I don't understand why you're doing this again but this is not how I want to spend my holidays and I don't think it's how you do, either."

Kanan sighed and crossed her arms, looking down at them rather than at Mari. "If you think it's so obvious what I'm doing then you should already know why."

"Because you are stubborn and selfish, Kanan Matsuura, and don't consider what anyone else wants." Mari was crying, not even trying to fight it, and Kanan moved to sit on the bed. She needed to ground herself, to make herself stay and not shut down.

"I am _only_ considering what you want, Mari. You want to spend a holiday with your friend. I want to do whatever I can to let you do that."

"And I am _only_ spending it with a friend because she refuses to see me in any other way no matter how hard I try to make her understand my feelings. It's enough to make someone who loves you less give up, you know." That got Kanan's attention and it was clear from the way Mari's posture relaxed just a little that that was her idea.

"I do understand your feelings--" Kanan didn't even get a sentence out before Mari put her hand up.

"Then why are we having this conversation?" Mari threw her hands in the air then rested them on her hips, exasperated. "My feelings are that there is a beautiful woman in my hotel room who I was hoping to see in a swimsuit again tonight but she's turned me down for no good reason so I am very hurt and disappointed. Is that what you understand?"

The words gave her a little pause but it wasn't anything Mari hadn't said in other ways before. "I understand that you don't want to be hassled at the pool so you want your friend to pretend to be your--"

"I want you to be my girlfriend! Do you need an engraved invitation? I'm sure I can find somewhere here that will do it but it will be in Italian." The more she spoke, the more humor returned to Mari's voice, but it still sounded cautious and for her part, Kanan was having none of it.

"Then why give me the excuse about the men at the pool, Mari?" Even as she asked, though, she knew the answer and she hated that she'd have to hear it said out loud.

"Because you looked like you wanted the floor to open up and swallow you when I said it and while that hurt me deeply, it was not what I wanted you to feel. And that is why this has got to be settled, one way or another. I don't know what you're expecting from me but I cannot do more than this so if this is not enough to get you to open your heart then I need you to tell me what it is you want from me, Kanan."

Her instinctive response was to ask Mari what made her so sure of what might be in Kanan's heart, but if she really wanted this settled, then there was no more room for denial. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be opening my heart _to_. This trip has been wonderful so far but it's also the same kind of thing you've always done. How was I supposed to know your feelings had changed?"

"You weren't because they haven't. This is the same as I have always done because I have always been in love with you, so why should I change? I thought at least that going as far as flying you here would be enough to finally make you see but you are as determined as ever to--"

Kanan was off the bed before she realized what she was doing, her hands lifting to the sides of Mari's face. She stroked her cheeks, just once to wipe some of the tears away, then leaned in and kissed her before Mari could say the word again. Her lips were salty, and Kanan knew some of it was her own tears too, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except stopping the words that never seemed to accomplish what either of them needed them to. The gestures always seemed to fail, too, but the language of this one was universal. It only took a moment before Mari's arms lifted, wrapping around Kanan as she returned the kiss and every knot and twist inside her was pulled free, leaving nothing but a straight line connecting her to Mari.

Even after they broke apart Kanan didn't want to move, holding Mari as close as possible until she could feel both of their heartbeats returning to a more normal pace. She leaned back a little, resting her forehead against Mari's, and took a deep breath. "Mari, I'm so sorr--" Mari's finger stopped her this time and she could feel the movement as Mari shook her head.

"All I want for Christmas is for you to never say that again. Can you do that for me, Kanan?"

She smiled and kissed Mari's finger. "I can try, especially since all I want for Christmas is to never make you cry like that again. Do you think I can have that?"

"For you, Kanan, I will try, but I think we have already established that I am not big on changing."

**Author's Note:**

> To any readers who are familiar with the region where the story takes place, I apologize for the liberties taken! I tried to be detailed and thorough as possible while also not getting too into the nitty gritty, so please be forgiving with any errors.


End file.
